Why has it taken so long?
I'm just stepping out now...
How sad & yet how freeing
Sad it has taken so long
Freeing to finally step out into the light.
I feel, no I know, I'm a late bloomer, although not for lack of wanting to be someone so different
But I couldn't. I felt fear, insecurities, mistrust.
I was paralyzed.
As much as I wanted more, to do more, to be more, I couldn't
I stayed safe in my own world, surrounded by family, people who understand
and allowed me to move through life as I needed...
I functioned, this may sound like a contradiction but it really wasn't
I functioned well, well within my boundaries, did everything I needed in my protected space
I had friends, exceptional family and I raised two girls
We did everything a family should, school, school activities, camping, holidays
I was happy and I found joy but I was never really free...
I had a secret, or so I felt it was a secret
I felt dirty because of my secret... I felt ownership of something that had nothing to do with me...
I took blame and questioned myself constantly
How did this happen
what had I done... did I say something, how had I made him think he could take what he wanted...
to violently take from me and not once think about the effect it would have on my family and I,